For the past few weeks, I’ve been absolutely dreading my birthday. And that’s because of this…
Under 18
18-24
25-34
35-44
45-49
50-54
55-64
65 or older
That’s the standard age scale found on pretty much any form asking you to select your age range. And regretfully, I’ve just “graduated” to a higher bracket. That’s me sitting in between 15-34 & 45-49. Just as Wife warned exactly one year ago, I’ve now reached “5 years until 40.” It would be different if I actually felt 35, but I don’t. However, what’s 35 supposed to feel like? I’ve never been 35 before, so I really don’t know. I’ve been 30 before. I think I feel 30. Sometimes I even feel 25.
So, anyway…I’ve been quite down for the last couple weeks and had absolutely no desire to celebrate anything. Even when asked what I wanted to do, I just became irritated and wanted to ignore the entire occasion. And then, finally, after days of dread, the day arrived. I was woken up by Wife coming home with Toddler (not ours, kind of a “Reverse Rental,” you know…like a mortgage). I got up and we went out to lunch at Kona Grill (Mmmm…best hamburger on the planet!). That’s also where Wife gave me my card.
This is also where I finally got to check my email. Thanks to Facebook, my Inbox was loaded w/ good wishes! So, that helped pick me up a bit.
On the way out of the restaurant, we ran into Wife’s old boss. Kinda surreal, actually. Good, though. I held back congrats’ing her on finally being rid of her (now) ex-husband. After that, Wife went back to work and I went home to shower. Ya have to be clean to go spend birthday money! So, with Da’Puppy in the passenger seat, we headed off to cruise the electronics stores.
Best Buy is the worst store on the planet. Not only are they incredibly over-priced, their employees are apparently idiots. Having (pretty much) made up my mind on what my gift would be, I asked if they sold the Roku Box (already assuming that they didn’t, but I hate waiting for shipping), and no one I asked even knew what it was. This is after I found out that the $300 Rewards Zone purchase I made a few months ago didn’t count because I used a gift card. That gift card was the refund I got on the same visit when I returned a bricked iPod Touch (it wasn’t really bricked, but I didn’t know the fix until just recently). Thanks, Best Buy! You must have read my last entry based on what you just did to me.
I stopped at Office Depot to price compare blank DVD’s (almost 1/2 of what Best Buy was charging) and ended up pulling in next to a crappy, Honduh Del Slo, which was obviously in denial about it being the most awesomest car in the lot, with it’s alarm blaring. I heard it *chirp* slient, and only seconds later saw it’s owner, the quintessential douchebag, walk up, being trailed by what I can only hope was his sister, because I can’t fathom the idea of this kid breeding. As Douchebag turned to get into his fast & furious machine, all I could think was, “How does he get his pants hang so low, and why am I being exposed to his boxer shorts?”
I think my favorite place to buy electronics is at a furniture store. It’s not obvious, but Nebraska Furniture Mart is the absolute best electronics store there is. I asked the guy who was showing me where to find the blank DVD’s why the prices are so much lower and after explaining that they get great deals on volume, he actually said, “We pass the savings on to you.” But, that’s not the best part. The best part was the moms I saw.
Mom #1 was walking out as I was walking in. She was with whom I now doubt was her husband and pushing a baby in a stroller. She wore a white t-shirt with big, fancy, black letters reading “Sinful Mom.” Okay, so if you’re a total whore and ended up having a baby with someone you probably met someplace loud and dark, and conceived said baby within hours of said meeting, why would you advertise it? And quite proudly!
Mom #2, I really liked. On my way out, I heard a woman yelling, loudly and confidently, at her kids. The part that solidified her as Best Store Mom Ever was when she yelled to the little boy, who was a good ways down the isle from mom, in a completely different department. “What are you doing?! Get over here now!! You have no authority to wonder off like that!” That’s not completely accurate, but the “no authority” part really stuck with me. Imagine, these days, a mom who knows exactly what rights her kids have…NONE!
By this time, it had been a hard, long day for Da’Puppy. When I go into a store, she just sits on the passenger seat in my car with the windows down a few inches. On one of my last stops, I poured about 1/2 a bottle of Sprite into to cup-holder of my center console. Da’Puppy likes Sprite. Though, I don’t think I’ll do that again, because her floppy tongue flipped Sprite all over the rest of the center console.
Finally got home and waited for Wife to go to Star Trek. I’m glad we waited, too, because there were relatively few people in the theatre. Though, that didn’t prevent the two douchebags from talking loudly for the first few miniutes of the movie.
Quick Review: “Sorry, Gene Roddenberry, but I don’t care what story you think you came up with, because I’m J.J. Abrams and I created “Lost,” and that means I can take everything you’ve done, throw it into a barrell with my seman and burn it. That way I can take over what you originally created and resurrect it in my own image, just as if you never existed.”
After the movie, we were gonna get ice cream, but I had a bad stomach ache and needed to get home…quickly.
In the end, the day turned out pretty good, even with the mild diarrhea. In large part due to Wife. Knowing how much I wanted to crawl into a hole and avoid the entire day, she was determined to make sure I had a good birthday. I still hate that I’m 35, but I’m alive, and at this point still have no life-threatning biological conditions. I also still need to order my Roku Box.
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